Finding The Good Spot
We don’t have to be one or the other, and we don’t have to be everything.
It has been a while since I have written. I apologize for the hiatus. Sometimes life leads us in unexpected directions, and we leave some things behind along the way. One of those things for me has been writing. I love writing, but finding the time and mental capacity can be difficult, as some of you here on Substack can relate. A hiatus from things is not necessarily bad. It can cause growth in the area we left, or it may lead us to realize that maybe that was not an area that was very important. For me, I still love to write, but it has definitely taken the back burner in my life for now.
For me, it is all about priorities. That is the thing I am working on in my life. At the ripe and proud age of 54, I find myself truly digging into those areas that bring me joy. And where I can make a difference. Those areas where I want to spend my next 20, 30 years I could have left. I really feel that generativity versus stagnation stage of development. It truly is a struggle. Do I become self-absorbed in my own needs or make a contribution in this world through the rest of my years?
In my personal journey through this exploration, I struggle with whether to retire early and spend more time with my children and grandchildren, or make a difference in my work, or work a little and travel more to visit the family. Of course, taking into account whatever financial situation I might be in to make this all happen. I have found there is no perfect answer in my situation. All my family lives far away, and I miss them dearly. My heart aches to spend time with my children and grandchildren. Those overseas, I get to see a few times a year, and those across the country about the same; those a few hours away by car monthly or less. I know that I hoped they would all be a part of our daily lives, which isn’t possible, and you can’t choose to be near just one of them. We all desire to see each other, but life, finances, and time off play a role. I find myself throwing myself into other things to avoid dealing with the sadness that comes from missing them. Thank goodness for FaceTime and WhatsApp! I know that compared to some, I am lucky. We all have our stories, and we all miss our families at times.
In these stages of development, we can thank Erikson for these descriptions; we have conflict. I believe that within these conflicts there can be a middle ground. We don’t have to be fully one side or the other. We can find our joy in the middle or somewhere around there.
In my journey to search for the right career in my middle to later years, I have stumbled some, and I’m still not exactly sure where I will land. But I’ve decided that I am not looking for the perfect fit. I’m looking for some flexibility in my work so I can enjoy my later years with my partner and, yes, visit my family more. I’ve also been looking for work where I can make a difference in the world. Even if it is one individual at a time. In my journey as a nurse, researcher, professor, and wellness nurse, I thought I wanted to delve into being a psychiatric nurse practitioner. That was not the path for me. I still see private clients for nurse wellness coaching, but I am also now working as a therapist for a community behavioral health organization. I love it, and I see clients with all sorts of needs. I see that my life and education have led me to this point. I look forward to my partner and me opening our own practice in a few years. This will give me the added flexibility I need while still making a difference.
As a therapist, I find myself taking more time for mental breaks and having some “me” time. I do this much more than I did as a nurse, but it would have benefited me greatly if I had. Nurses? This time that I take leaves less room for things like writing, hence the hiatus. But it is worth it for my own mental health. So now, rather than throwing myself into my work and avoiding the sadness, I’m embracing the middle ground. I am not self-absorbed, and I am not fully giving every ounce of myself I have left. I am giving of my knowledge and expertise to others while embracing new learning. I am spending time FaceTiming more often and planning trips to see my family. We don’t have to be one or the other, and we don’t have to be everything.
Whatever stage of conflict you may be in right now, I hope you can find a middle ground. Because that is the good spot.